Burnt Rice
Because sometimes life be life'in
I burned a pot of rice; a whole pot. And it was the good kind, the Goya Jasmine rice, the one that when you first take that bite of it, you feel like you are getting ready to dig into something extraordinary for a meal. Yeah, I burned it. The reason why this bothers me so much is that it took a long time for me to burn it. I initially placed the water to boil and forgot it. OK, no problem. I returned the second time and added the rice, the butter, the salt – and then, just walked away – never to return to the pot until someone called out “hey, did you put a timer on the rice?” Oh crap.
What could have had my attention that I failed to remember that I was cooking?
Creating unique cover letters and resumes to submit to the endless number of applications posted
Making sure that my sons had what they needed in that moment
Networking on LinkedIn with others
Trying to figure out how I can do a load of laundry and have it folded
Thinking of when I can give my dog a bath
Figuring out how I will afford school tuition for the next school year
I was so in the zone that I forgot a simple task that I had done on numerous occasions, and one that I loved. At this point, I am convinced my brain is broken – and for good reason. I had a healthy baby in November, and I am in the thick of postpartum EVERYTHING. Even as I am writing and editing this post, sweet baby Cameron is wailing his head off because he is teething. Not to mention, I have a soon-to-be six-year-old living his best life as big bro.
I am blessed and highly favored. That is what I share with folks when they discover the amount of familial and community support surrounding me. I know this is a privilege I do not take for granted.
Research has shown that women who have recently given birth expect a high level of practical support, “…believing that this type of support is critical to their postpartum physical and emotional recovery” (White et al., 2023).
Although all of this is happening, I must figure it out, AND I also need rest. I know I am preaching to the choir and the pulpit for all the women who have had children. We have to do so many things, give up so many pieces of ourselves, and do it with grace and humility, even the Pope (may he rest in eternal peace) would be like “sheesh, you are doing too much”.
This is not to take away what I am going through and what I feel, but rather, I must realize that I, too, am going through something. I’m not here to lament. I’m not here to make anybody feel bad because everything happens for a reason, and I know this, too, shall pass. My aunt told me a few days ago that you are being tested so that you can share your testimony. But good grief, this is rough for all the reasons, for all the things.
After my disaster-to-me-and-no-one-else epic rice fail, I walked back into my office and sat down. A friend immediately came to mind that I knew in an instant would get it. This person leads with such deep-rooted empathy that as soon as she answered, I knew I would be ok. She validated me, heard me, and spoke life back into me. She didn’t solve my problems, but she listened. And at that moment, that was what I needed.
“Not everything needs to be wrapped in optimism to be worthy of witness. Sometimes pain just is. And when we rush people to be positive, we may deny them the space to process what they’re feeling” – Jade Singleton, EdD.
We don’t always need someone to make the problem disappear. We don’t need a damn silver line from folks. Sometimes you need someone to sit in it with you. That’s why lived experience matters so much when navigating this world, trying to figure it all out.
Feeling and acknowledging are paramount to understanding what you may be going through. Having someone who can listen deeply without judgment and much empathy can help you gain clarity. Giving yourself time to assess and process clears the clutter and noise and gives you space to make better decisions, almost like you offer yourself to set better intentions authentically.
I mustered the courage to recook another pot of rice a few days later. And it was good.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
Share in the comment section below.
Here are some prompts to get you started
1. The Burnt Rice Moment:
Have you ever had a “burnt rice” moment—something small that felt like it represented something much bigger? What was it, and what did it reveal about your state of mind at the time?
2. Invisible Labor and Mental Load:
How do you recognize when your mental load is becoming too heavy? What strategies or support systems help you manage it?
3. Postpartum Reality:
What parts of postpartum life (or any major life transition) do you think are misunderstood or under-acknowledged by society? How can we better support people during these times?
4. Being Heard vs. Being Fixed:
Reflect on a time when someone simply listened to you without trying to offer a solution. How did that make you feel? Why is it sometimes more powerful than advice?
5. Toxic Positivity vs. Empathy:
What does it mean to witness someone’s pain without rushing to make them feel better? How can we practice this in our relationships?
6. Small Wins and Self-Compassion:
What’s a recent “small win” that reminded you of your resilience? How do you celebrate yourself during challenging seasons?
7. Rest as Resistance:
In what ways do you allow yourself to rest? What would it look like to treat rest not as a reward, but as a necessity?